Thursday, September 22, 2011

Goofy State Jokes

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don't Own It Yet.

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Facebook Jokes One Liners

Q: Why is a survey, proving Facebook users have lower grades than non-users pointless?
A: Because Facebook users tell everyone how stupid they are with their status updates on a daily basis!

Q: In addition to the social networking site Facebook where else can you find Mafia members?
A: "Controlling all the trash hauling in Second Life"

Q: What happened after three Duke football players were kicked off the team for gun possession? A: Gilbert Arenas sent them Facebook friend requests!

Q: Why should you create a Facebook Account with the name "Nobody"?
A: Because when somebody posts something stupid you can say "Nobody Likes This!"

Q: What happened when Dick Cheney tried to reach a younger demographic?
A: He shot Facebook in the face, while hunting for Twitter. Come to Myspace and Twitter my Yahoo Til' I Google all over your Facebook.

Q: When FaceBook, MySpace and Twitter merge into one super social networking company what will it be called?
A: They will call it "My Twit Face."

Q: Why is Facebook like Jail?
A: You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know!

Q: Why is Facebook a great site for loners?
A: Because it's the only place where they can talk to a wall and not be considered an loser!

Q: Why is Facebook like a refrigerator?
A: Because every few minutes you keep opening and closing it to see if there's anything good in it!

Q: How ugly was my ex-girlfriend/boyfriend?
A: So ugly that Facebook banned her/his profile pic and sent her back to Myspace!

Q: What happened after hackers shut down Twitter for a day?
A: Twitterers were relegated to communicating the old fashioned way, through Facebook!

Q: If Facebook is a loft in the city and Twitter is a house in the suburbs, what is Myspace?
A: A trailer park!

Q: What did the twitterer say before committing suicide?
A: My Facebook can remarry!

Q: Why did Atlanta Falcons lineman Quinn Ojinnaka post bail after getting into an altercation with his wife over facebook activity?
A: Because he was afraid of going to jail and really being poked!

Q: Why shouldn't you pay for a membership?
A: Because Myspace and Facebook are free!

Q: How do you know if your Fortune 500 CEO is a pedophile?
A: He has a facebook account!

Q: What happened after Miss New Jersey, Amy Polumbo, lost her crown due to racy pics being leaked from her Facebook Account?
A: Amy Polumbo received a million friend requests!

Q: How did the gringo get the hispanic day laborer pregnant?
A: By sending her a friend request on Facebook!

Q: Why did John Connor lead the resistance against the machines?
A: Skynet refused to give John a Facebook friend request!

Q: What happened after the "Spam King" was charged with hacking in 500,000 facebook accounts and sending 27 millon unwanted messages?
A: He was convicted and sentenced 4 years of hard labor on Farmville!

Q: Why is Germany threatening Facebook with legal action over its facial recognition software? A: They say it fails to identify which faces are Jewish!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Proof That Blondes Are Not Really Dumb

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies, "Yes."

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to pr

ove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats.