Thursday, November 27, 2008

Funny Xmas Jokes, Knock Knock Christmas Jokes

Who's There
Donut who?
Donut open until Christmas


Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas!


Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Snow who ?
Snow business like show business!


Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Holly who ?
Holly-days are here again!


Who's There
Igloo who?
Igloo Santa, like I knew Santa...


Who's There
Avery who
Avery Merry-Christmas to you.
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wenceslas who ?
Wenceslas train home?


Who's There
Wayne who?
Wayne in a Manger...


Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Oakham who ?
Oakham all ye faithfull...!
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Rudolph who ?
Money is the Rudolph of all evil!

What's red and white and gives presents to gazelles?
Whats happens to you at Christmas ?
Yule be happy!

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Funny Santa Jokes

Funny Santa JokesQuestion: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Answer: Because he had low elf esteem.

Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.

Question: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
Answer: It was wound up already.

Question: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Answer: Forty feet of track - all straight!

Question: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
Answer: She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!

Christmas Pics great for myspace or Facebook!

Funny Snowman Jokes

Funny Snowman Jokes

Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.

Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.

Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.

Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
Answer: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Late Night TV John McCain Jokes

"McCain kept talking about how he could help this man. If McCain really wants to help this guy, you now what he should do? Just have him re-pipe all of McCain's houses. That would be a job for life." --Jay Leno, on Joe the Plumber

A woman at a John McCain rally said that Barack Obama is an Arab. And McCain quickly corrected her. It was really awkward, because McCain had to tell her, 'Look, Governor Palin, you are wrong.'" --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama, what a guy. He is actually going door to door, knocking on doors in a neighborhood, asking people if they'll vote for him. Coincidentally, John McCain is also going door to door, except when he knocks on a door, he says, 'Do I live here?'" --David Letterman

"Sarah Palin had to have her campaign bus make an unscheduled stop at a Wal-Mart in Ohio, so she could pick up a package of diapers. I guess she ran out of diapers, so they pulled over and she went in and everyone followed her. Which is kind of cute, but it turned out Senator McCain didn't need them." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Did you watch the debate last night? I gave up drinking a while ago, but I started again. And I'm watching the debate last night, and I did a shot every time John McCain said, 'My friends.' And so I am just blotto." --David Letterman

"At one point McCain referred to Barack Obama as 'That One.' And McCain later thought maybe something had gone haywire. He apologized, he said he got confused, he thought he was at the bakery." –David Letterman

Late Night TV Sarah Palin Jokes

Sarah Palin made three campaign stops today: Saks, Nieman Marcus and Bloomingdales." --Jay Leno

"I guess there seems to be some trouble brewing between Sarah Palin and John McCain. McCain aides say that Sarah Palin is 'going rogue' and not taking advice or notes from the McCain campaign. They say it is hard to keep her from going off script and making statements that hurt the campaign. It's gotten so bad, her Secret Service codename is now 'Joe Biden.'" --Jay Leno

"Here's how it works. Election is Tuesday. And then Wednesday is the first day of Sarah Palin's 2012 campaign." --David Letterman

"You know what? This always happens in politics. Sarah Palin, when she gets on the ticket, everybody is going, whoa, how about this? Come on. Look out. Here we go. We got us something here, you know. Now everything has turned around. McCain staffers are saying Sarah Palin has turned into a diva and is making diva demands. Here's what they're talking about. A couple of days ago, Lenscrafters had to stay open after hours so Sarah could shop alone. Today, she hit a speech writer with her cell phone." --David Letterman

"According to expense reports, Sarah Palin charged the state of Alaska over $21,000 for her children to travel with her on official business. In fairness to Gov. Palin, when she leaves them home alone they get pregnant." --Seth Meyers

"Alaska's largest newspaper has endorsed Barack Obama despite the fact that their governor is Sarah Palin. Luckily for Palin, it's one of the 500 newspapers she doesn't read." --Conan O'Brien