Halloween One Liners

1) What do you say to a ghost with three heads?
Hello, hello, hello.

2) What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
A boo-loney sandwich.

3) What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A dead end.

4) What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
A wash-and-werewolf.

5) What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
Fasten your sheet belt.

6) What is a witch with poison ivy called?
An itchy witchy.

7) Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
His ghoul friend.

8) Where do vampires live?
In the Vampire State Building.

9) Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
The whatwolves and the whenwolves.

10) What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel.

11) What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog?
I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines.

12) What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound.

13) Why are black cats such good singers?
They're very mewsical.

14) What's a cold, evil candle called?
The wicked wick of the north.

15) What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best?
Hallowieners.

16) Where do little ghosts learn to yell "BOO!"?
In noisery school.

17) What does a goblin shop for?
Grosseries.

18) How can you tell when windows are scared?
They get shudders.

19) What do you call serious rocks?
Grave stones.

20) Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience? She had to give a screech.

Halloween Jokes

A skeleton joke
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend?
I love every bone in your body!

A werewolf joke
Why did the small werewolf bite the womans ankle?
Because he couldn’t reach any higher!

A werewolf joke
What happened when the werewolf chewed a bone for an hour?
When he got up he only had three legs!

A witch joke
What did one witch say to another when they left the cinema?
Do you want to walk home or shall we take the broom!

A witch joke
What makes more noise than an angry witch?
Two angry witches!

A skeleton joke
Why don’t skeletons play music in church?
They have no organs!

A skeleton joke
Why wasn’t the naughty skeleton afraid of the police?
Because he knew they couldn’t pin anything on him!

Funny Halloween Witch Jokes

Q: Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
A: She had to give a screech.

Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called?
A: An itchy witchy.

Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle?
A: It was a chain letter.

Q: What is a witch's favourite subject?
A: Spelling.

Q: Why does a witch ride on a broom?
A: Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.

Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.

Q: Why do witches think they're funny?
A: Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.

Q: What does a sorceress wear?
A: A bewitching outfit.

Q: What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

Q: Who has a broom and flies?
A: A jelly-covered janitor.

Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A. A sand-witch.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage?
A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together?
A. Broommates.

Halloween Jokes

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners
are too heavy...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...