Funny Quotes About America

Funny Americans Quotes - Funny Quotes about Americans
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
funny quote Adlai Stevenson

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.
funny quote Saki

Great Britain and the United States are nations separated by a common language.
funny quote George Bernard Shaw

If you suveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from the 'Beverly Hillbillies'.
funny quote Dave Barry

People come to Washington believing it is the center of power. I know I did. It was only much later that I learned that Washington is a steering wheel that's not connected to an engine.
funny quote Richard Goodwin

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology.
funny quote Clive James

The trouble with America isn't that the poetry of life has turned to prose, but that it has turned to advertising copy.
funny quote Louis Kronenberger

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
funny quote Dan Rather

When good Americans die they go to Paris. When bad Americans die they go to America.
funny quote Oscar Wilde
....More-SongsForAmerica.com

Strange Fun Facts

In England, in the 1880's, "Pants" was considered a dirty word!

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin!

The blesbok, a South African antelope, is almost the same color as grapejuice!

The average person laughs 13 times a day!

Dogs can hear sounds that you cant!

Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women!

It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them!

Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel, "Gadsby", which contains over 50,000 words -- none of them with the letter E!

Of all the words in the English language, the word set has the most definitions!

A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans!

Every 45 seconds, a house catches on fire in the United States!

The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!

Blonde Jokes-Three Blondes Fishing

Three Blondes Fishing
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.

"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.

"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"


Meteor Crater
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."

From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"

Blonde Jokes

Q. What do you call a blonde in the closet?
A. The 1984 hide and go seek champion.


What Kind of Tracks Are They?
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

Dumb Blonde Jokes

Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?

A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

 

Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?

A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

 

Q. What do you call a blond with a brain?

A. A golden retriever.

Corny Knock Knock Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aries!
Aries who?
Aries a reason why I talk this way!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Arizona!
Arizona who?
Arizona room for one of us in this town!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Anka!
Anka who?
Anka the ship!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ankansas!
Ankansas who?
Ankansas though any piece of wood!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Amory!
Amory who?
Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year!

3 Blonde Jokes

Which is Further Away?
Two blondes were sitting on a bench on the Atlantic City boardwalk admiring a beautiful, bright full moon. One said to the other, "I wonder which is further away, Florida or the moon?"
"Duh..." said the other, "Can you see Florida from here?"

Mail Check
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his pretty blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it shut. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL'."

17 Days
Two young blonde women are sitting at a table in a coffe shoppe in such an obviously celebratory mood that a man drifts over intending to offer to buy them something to drink. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!" Smiling, the man says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"
Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"