Boy i hate the holidays!
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, December 5, 2008
Christmas Jokes-Too Much Xmas Cheer
Some funny xmas humor!
You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When...
1. You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.
2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.
3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.
5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
6. You strike a match and light your nose.
7. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
8. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
9. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
10. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
11. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
12. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
13. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
14. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
15. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
16. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
17. You're at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan.
18. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
19. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
20. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.
You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When...
1. You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.
2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.
3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.
5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
6. You strike a match and light your nose.
7. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
8. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
9. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
10. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
11. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
12. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
13. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
14. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
15. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
16. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
17. You're at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan.
18. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
19. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
20. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Funny Christmas Jokes
What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy ?
She gave him the cold shoulder !
What do snowmen wear on their heads ?
Ice caps !
What do snowmen eat for lunch ?
Icebergers !
Where do snowmen go to dance ?
Snowballs !
How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !
What sort of ball doesn't bounce ?
A snowball !
How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !
What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark ?
Frost bite !
How do you call an Eskimo cow ?
An Eskimoo !
She gave him the cold shoulder !
What do snowmen wear on their heads ?
Ice caps !
What do snowmen eat for lunch ?
Icebergers !
Where do snowmen go to dance ?
Snowballs !
How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !
What sort of ball doesn't bounce ?
A snowball !
How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !
What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark ?
Frost bite !
How do you call an Eskimo cow ?
An Eskimoo !
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Funny Christmas Jokes
Question and Answer Christmas Jokes
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts" !
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it's to far to walk.
Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track - all straight!
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The Elf-abet!
Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts" !
Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.
Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it's to far to walk.
Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track - all straight!
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A PENguin.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Funny Xmas Jokes, Knock Knock Christmas Jokes
Knock-Knock
Who's There
Donut
Donut who?
Donut open until Christmas
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Mary
Mary who ?
Mary Christmas!
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Snow
Snow who ?
Snow business like show business!
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Holly
Holly who ?
Holly-days are here again!
Knock-Knock
Who's There
Igloo
Igloo who?
Igloo Santa, like I knew Santa...
Knock-Knock
Who's There
Avery
Avery who
Avery Merry-Christmas to you.
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Wenceslas
Wenceslas who ?
Wenceslas train home?
Knock-Knock
Who's There
Wayne
Wayne who?
Wayne in a Manger...
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Oakham
Oakham who ?
Oakham all ye faithfull...!
Knock Knock
Who's there ?
Rudolph
Rudolph who ?
Money is the Rudolph of all evil!
What's red and white and gives presents to gazelles?
Santelope!
Whats happens to you at Christmas ?
Yule be happy!
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Funny Santa Jokes
Funny Santa JokesQuestion: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Answer: Because he had low elf esteem.
Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.
Question: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
Answer: It was wound up already.
Question: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Answer: Forty feet of track - all straight!
Question: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
Answer: She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Christmas Pics great for myspace or Facebook!
Funny Snowman Jokes
Funny Snowman Jokes
Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.
Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.
Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.
Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
Answer: So he can ho-ho-ho.
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.
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