Funny Pickup Lines

Kiss me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Guadalupe?

You know what your remind me of? [what?] Lucky Charms, You want to know why? [why?] Because you're magically delicious!

I can read palms. {write your # on their hand} Oh it says your going to call me soon!

So long as we're in the theatre....why don't we get some play?

If you were ice cream and I were hot chocolate I'd pour all my love onto you.

You must be Jamaican, cause you Jamaican me crazy.

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

It's my birthday! How about a birthday kiss? "Is it really your birthday?" No, but how about a kiss anyway?

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.

Darling, if you were cocaine I'd OVERDOSE!

If you were a wedgie, I'd pick you!

Milk does the body good, but damn how much did you drink?

I lost my virginity... can I have yours?

Do you sleep on your stomach? [yes/no] Can I?

Are your parents retarded? 'cuz DANG your special!

Do you have a quarter? [Why?] I told my boyfriend/girlfriend that I would call him/her when I found someone better.

Whenever I see you my heart races. I hope to win first place.

Do you have a bandage? I hurt my knee when I fell in love with you.

You are like a glass of milk... you do the body good.

Fat penguin. [What?] I just wanted to say something to break the ice.

I'm not feeling myself today, can I feel you?

Are you a light switch? Cause I want to turn you on!

Where is your mother? [Why?] Because you're too young to be here without an adult.

You spend so much time in my dreams I should charge rent!

Want to get some air? You took my breath away!

How much does a polar bear weigh? [I don't know, how much?] Just enough to break the ice. Hi my name is....

Break Up Quotes

No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.

Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

It takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye.

Take away love and our earth is a tomb.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

The heart was made to be broken.

Everyone tells me I should forget about you, you don’t deserve me. They’re right, you don’t deserve me, but I deserve you.

When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. You are no longer alive.

I don’t miss him, I miss who I thought he was.

It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you

Sometimes the person you really need is the one you didn’t think you wanted.

Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

Funny Pickup Lines

I'm a raindrop and I'm falling for you.

Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet

I must be a Snowflake, becuase I've fallen for you.

I know somebody that thinks they might like you a lot. And if I wasn't so shy, I would tell you who it is.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

Are you religious? [Why?] Because you're the answer to my prayers.

Can I lick that film off your teeth?

Can you give me directions...to your heart?

Did they just take you out of the oven? [No, why?] Because you're hot!

Do you have a map? [No, why?] Because I just got lost in your eyes.

Don't be so picky... I wasn't!

Falling for you would be a very short trip.

Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I'm asking for only one.

I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Let's go behind that rock, and get a little boulder.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

Remember me? Oh, that's right, I've met you only in my dreams.

Want to play conductor? You be the engineer and I'll go choo choo.

What do you like for breakfast?

Classic Funny One Liners

Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

More Funny Pickup Lines

Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got FINE written all over you.

Hi, who's your friend?

Are you an Alien? [No, why?] Because you just abducted my heart.

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

Can I borrow your library card? [Why?] Cause I'm checking you out.

Drop an ice cube and say 'Now that we've broken the ice, my name is...'

Are you bored? [No, why?] Because i really want to nail you.

Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?

Are those astronaunt pants? Cause that ass is out of this world!

Are you sure that you're not a microwave oven? Because, you sure make my heart melt!

Your feet must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

You must be the cause of global warming!

Are you from Tennessee? [No, why?] Because you're the only 10 I see!

What's your sign?

I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?

Got any raisins? [No.] Then how about a date?

Funny Bumper Stickers

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

Keep honking...I'm reloading.

So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

Honk! If you want to see my finger

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

Constipated People Don't Give ACrap.

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

Boldly Going Nowhere.

Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

Dorky Pickup Lines

I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? [No, why?] 'Cause I can see me in your pants.

May I have some kisses up here, please.

If a star fell from the sky every time I thought about you, then tonight the sky would be empty.

My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.

Haven't I seen you before? Maybe in my dreams?

If home is where the heart is, then my home is in you.

You must be a magician, because everytime I look at you, everyone else disappears.

You want me. I can smell it.

If you were a drug, I would overdose!

If you gave me a penny for my thoughts I'd have just one penny, because i only think about one thing and that's you.

[Note: for use when someone you know is getting married] Hi, I'm throwing the bachelor/bachelorette party for a friend of mine, and I need a stripper. Interested?

Is your dad a baker? [No. Why?] Cause you have some nice buns.

I don't speak in tongues, but I kiss that way.

If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No.] Then wink.

You know, we were born without clothes.

Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me?

Like alcohol to the alcoholic,
Like chocolate to the chocoholic,
You are the [name] to the [name]holic.

(preferabally for use on men/women that have an A or O as the last letter of their first name.)
If I bit my lip would you kiss it better?

Will you read my palm? [I don't see anything.] I didn't expect you to because love is blind.

Did you drop something? [What?] Your conversation, so let's pick it up right here.

Can I have your picture? [Why?] So I can show santa what I want for christmas!

Damn.....your ass is fine! Want to come see mine?

You dropped something. [What?] My jaw.

That's a nice dog/cat/pet. Does it have a phone number?

Do you mind if we share this cab to my house?

Baby, you're sexier than socks on a rooster.

Do you have a band-aid? [Why?] I hurt my knee when I fell for you.

What do you say we play some football? You can have first down!

You're like pizza. Even when you're bad, you're good.

You had better phone the firefighters in advance, cause when you're done with me, we'll be on fire!

Lets make like fabric softener and Snuggle!

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?