Sunday, August 30, 2009

Redneck Joke-40 Things You won't hear a Redneck Say!

40. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.
39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won’t fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
35. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can’t feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
30. Wrestling’s fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We’re vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
24. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin’ is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn’t find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I’ve got it all on the C: drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
11. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
5. I don’t have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin tonight.


redneckgotmullet
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Friday, August 28, 2009

Blind Man's Blonde Joke

blindA blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"!!!
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir,
I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things...
1 - The bartender is a blonde woman. 2 - The bouncer is a blonde woman. 3 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 4 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler, and 5 - I'm a 6 foot, 200 lb. blonde woman with a PhD., a black belt in karate and a very bad attitude!
Now think about it seriously, Mister.
Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says; "Naaaah . . . not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Dumb Blonde Males-Jokes

blondemusclemanFishing Buddies
Two blonde fishing buddies rented a boat early one Saturday morning and headed out for a day on the lake. They both caught their limit and headed home to fried fish dinners. The next Saturday they decided to go fishing again.

"Did you mark the spot?" asked Blonde #1.

"Yup," said Blonde #2. "I put a big X on the bottom of the boat."

"You dummy!" said Blonde #1. "What if we don't get the same boat?"



Barking Dogs
A wife and her blonde husband were trying to sleep, but the next door neighbor's dog was barking. This had been going on for months. Every night, the dog barked for hours, robbing them of sleep.

Finally, the blonde says, "I've had enough. I'm going to do something about this." So he gets up, puts on his robe and goes down stairs and out the back door. A little while later, he comes back.

"What did you do? The dog's still barking," asks the wife.

"I put the dog in our back yard. Let's see how they like it."

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Painting the Porch

blonde-beerA blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Big Dumb Facts

my_big_dumb_brain_logo

•The shortest complete sentence in the English language is “I am.”


•The most used letter in the English alphabet is ‘E’, and ‘Q’ is the least used!


•Floccinaucinihilipilification, the declaration of an item being useless, is the longest non-medical term in the English language.


•Goddessship is the only word in the English language with a triple letter.


•The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” uses every letter of the alphabet!


•The sentence “Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs” uses every letter of the alphabet and uses the least letters to do so!


•There is a lawsuit every 30 seconds in the U.S.


•More than 50% of time spent in U.S courtrooms is over automobile cases.


•The world’s longest-named lake has 45 letters (Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg).


•In the U.S. there are 18 doctors called Dr. Doctor, and one called Dr. Surgeon. There is also a dermatologist named Dr. Rash, a psychiatrist called Dr. Couch and an anesthesiologist named Dr. Gass.


•“Rhythm” is the longest English word without a vowel.


•The longest word in the English language is ‘pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis’ which describes a lung disease caused by breathing in particles of volcanic matter or a similar fine dust.


•“Jack” is the most common name in nursery rhymes.


•In the English language there are only three words that have a letter that repeats six times. Degenerescence (six e’s), Indivisibility (six i’s), and nonannouncement (six n’s).


•The only three words in the English language to have 2 consecutive u’s is vacuum, residuum, and continuum.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Short Blonde Jokes,Like Their Attention Span!

Bailey-Legally-blonde
Did you hear about the blonde who plugged her power strip back into itself to save electricity?
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Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
Because she was trying to make up her mind.
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When a blonde working at the local Taco Bell was asked to put minimal lettuce on an order she replied, "I'm sorry, we only have iceberg."
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What do you get when you put seven blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes

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A blonde was driving down the highway when she read a sign saying, "Clean Restrooms Next 10 Miles." She was really late for her appointment since there were 26 restrooms to clean.

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While waiting at a cross walk for the light to change, a blonde asked why the signal was buzzing. When she was told that it was to let blind people know when the light was red, she replied, "What in the world are blind people doing driving?"

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Did you hear about the blonde who called the county to have the Deer Crossing sign removed from her road? It seems that too many deer were being hit by cars.

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How do you know a blond has been in your office?

There is white-out on your computer screen.

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Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken.

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Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?

It takes too long to re-train them.


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What do you call an eternity?

Four blondes at a four way stop.

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What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?

You always hear about them but you never see them.

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Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?

You have to hollow out the head.

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What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?

"Oh, look, Daddy ... doughnut seeds."

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How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?

Shine a flashlight in her ear

Friday, August 21, 2009

To Be Fair, Blondes Are Not the Only Ones To Lock Their Keys In the Car

blondebrainsTwo blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

This Proves Blondes Are Smart

newyorkmajesty1This Proves Blondes Really Are Smart

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," puts her head on the pillow and goes back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Fun Food Facts

funny_food
The term “soda water” was coined in 1798.

Botanically speaking, the banana is a herb and the tomato is a fruit.

Americans eat twice as much meat as Europeans, gobbling up some 50kg (110 lb) per capita.

China uses 45 billion chopsticks per year. 25 million trees are chopped down to make ‘em sticks.

The pull-ring tab was invented in 1962 and the re-sealable top in 1965.

Melba toast is named after Australian opera singer Dame Nellie Melba (1861-1931).

Maria Ann Smith introduced the Granny Smith apple in 1838.

The stay-on tab was invented in 1974.

The world’s oldest existing eatery opened in Kai-Feng, China in 1153.

Carrots have zero fat content.

The tall chef’s hat is called a toque.

The first European to encounter tea was the Portuguese Jesuit Jasper de Cruz in 1560.

Approximately one billion snails are served in restaurants annually.

The first cola-flavoured beverage was introduced in 1881.

Chocolate is the number one foodstuff flavour in the world, beating vanilla and banana by 3-to-1.

In the 1950’s some 80% of chickens in Europe and the US were free-ranging. By 1980, it was only 1%. Today, about 13% of chickens in the West are free-ranging.

The soda fountain was patented by Samuel Fahnestock in 1819, with the first bottled soda water available in 1835.

Tea is said to have been discovered in 2737 BC by a Chinese emperor when some tea leaves accidentally blew into a pot of boiling water.

Coca-Cola was invented in Atlanta, Georgia by Dr. John S. Pemberton in 1886.

The tea bag was introduced in 1908 by Thomas Sullivan of New York.

Plastic bottles were first used for soft drinks in 1970.

Coffee is the seed of a cherry from the tree genus Coffea

Over 90% of all fish caught are caught in the northern hemisphere.

Aluminum cans were introduced in 1957 and two years later the first diet cola was sold.

Over the last 40 years food production actually increased faster than population.

In 1929, the Howdy Company introduced its “Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Sodas,” which became 7 Up. 7 Up was invented by Charles Leiper Grigg.

Pepsi-Cola was invented by Caleb Bradham in 1890 as “Brad’s Drink” as a digestive aid and energy booster. In was renamed as Pepsi-Cola in 1898.

The first ice-cream soda was sold in 1874 in the US.

The scientific term for the common tomato is lycopersicon lycopersicum, which means “wolf peach.”

The first diet soft drink, called the “No-Cal Beverage” was launched in 1952.

The number of people who starved to death in the last 25 years of the 20th century is less than the number who starved to death in the last 25 years of the 19th century.

Forks, mostly being two-tined, used to known as “split spoons.”

An onion, apple and potato all have the same taste. The differences in flavour are caused by their smell.

To make one kilo of honey bees have to visit 4 million flowers, traveling a distance equal to 4 times around the earth.

Of the more than $50 billion worth of diet products sold every year, almost $20 billion are spent on imitation fats and sugar substitutes.

In September 1999 Dustin Philips of the US set a Guinness World Record by drinking a 400 ml (14-oz) bottle of tomato sauce through a straw in 33 seconds.

Wine is sold in tinted bottles because wine spoils when exposed to light.

The Polyethylene Terephthalate bottle was introduced in 1973.

Ice tea was introduced in 1904 at the World’s Fair in St. Louis.

Three quarters of fish caught are eaten – the rest is used to make things such as glue, soap, margarine and fertilizer.

In 1994, Chicago artist Dwight Kalb sent David Letterman a statue of Madonna, made of 180lb of ham.

An ounce of chocolate contains about 20 mg of caffeine.

Milk chocolate was invented by Daniel Peter, who sold the concept to his neighbour Henri Nestl¨¦.

Bananas consistently are the number one compliant of grocery shoppers. Most people complain when bananas are overripe or even freckled. The fact is that spotted bananas are sweeter, with a sugar content of more than 20%, compared with 3% in a green banana.

Vitamin A is known to prevent “night blindness,” and carrots are loaded with Vitamin A. One carrot provides more than 200% of recommended daily intake of Vitamin A.

There are more than 10,000 varieties of tomatoes.

Watermelons are 97% water, lettuce 97%, tomatoes 95%, carrots 90%, and bread 30%.

Approximately 44 million tons of bananas are produced annually, compared to more than 60 million tomatoes. Apples are the third most popular (36 million tons), then oranges (34 million tons) and watermelons (22 million tons).

In the Middle Ages, sugar was a treasured luxury costing 9 times as much as milk.

Bananas are the world’s most popular fruit after tomatoes. In western countries, they could account for 3% of a grocer’s total sales.

The can opener was invented 48 years after cans were introduced.

TIP is the acronym for “To Insure Promptness.”

The world’s most expensive jam (jelly) is Confiture de groselles. It is a redcurrant jam (jelly) from a 14th century recipe made in the tiny French town of Bar-Le-Duc.

Friday, August 7, 2009

More Funny One liners





I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Keep honking. I'm reloading.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Montana: At least our cows are sane!
More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Top 30 Movie One-Liners

history_1933_boris1.Frankenstein , (1931) “It’s Alive! It’s Alive!”, Dr. Henry Frankenstein (Colin Clive)

2. Every Day’s a Holiday, (1937), “You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini.”, Larmadou Graves (Charles Butter worth)

3. Gone With the Wind , (1939), “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”, Rhett Butler (Clark Gable)

4. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes , (1939), “Elementary, my dear Watson”, Sherlock Holmes (Basil Rathbone)

5.The Wizard of Oz , (1939), “Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore”, Dorothy (Judy Garland)

6. The Wizard of Oz , (1939), “There’s no place like home”, Dorothy (Judy Garland)

7. The Wizard of Oz , (1939), “I’ll get you, my pretty. And your little dog too”, Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton)

8. Casablanca , (1942), “Here’s looking at you, kid”, Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)

9. Casablanca , (1942), “Play it again, Sam”, Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)

10.Casablanca , (1942), “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship”, Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)

11. Casablanca , (1942), “We’ll always have Paris”, Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)

12. Casablanca , (1942), “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine”, Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart)

13. Yankee Doddle Dandy , (1942), “My mother thanks you. My father thanks you. My sister thanks you. And I thank you”, George Cohan (James Cagney)

14. All About Eve, (1950), “Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride”, Margo Channing (Bette Davis)

15. A Streetcar Named Desire , (1951), “I have always depended on the kindness of strangers”, Blanche DuBois (Vivien Leigh)

16. Psycho , (1960), “We all go a little mad sometimes”, Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins)
17. Dr. No , (1962), “Bond. James Bond.” James Bond (Sean Connery)

18. Goldfinger , (1964), “Shaken – Not stirred”, James Bond (Sean Connery)

19. Cool Hand Luke , (1967), “What we have here is a failure to communicate”, Captain (Strother Martin)

20. In the Heat of the Night , (1967), “They call me Mr. Tibbs”, Virgil Tibbs (Sidney Portier)

21. Dirty Harry , (1971), “Do ya feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk”, Inspector “Dirty” Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood)

22. The Godfather , (1972), “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse”, Michael Corleone (Al Pacino)

23. The Godfather , (1972), “Don’t ask me about my business, Kay”, Michael Corleone (Al Pacino)

24. The Godfather , (1972), “This isn’t personal, Kay. This is business”, Michael Corleone (Al Pacino)

25. The Godfather: Part 2, (1974), “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer”, Michael Corleone (Al Pacino)

26. Rocky , (1976), “Yo, Adrienne”, Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone)

27. Taxi Driver , (1976), “You talkin’ to me”, Travis Bickle (Robert DeNiro)

28. Star Wars , (1977), “Get this big walking carpet out of my way”, Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher)

29. Star Wars , (1977), “May the force be with you”, Hans Solo (Harrison Ford)

30. Apocalypse Now, (1979), “I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like victory”, Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore (Robert Duvall)

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Funny One Liners

laughing-cat100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Assassins do it from behind.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Weird Facts

weirdfunny
A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend,Indiana.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

Be wary of “specials.” When people see signs with numbers-”8 for $10!” “Limit: 5 per customer”—they buy 30 to 100 percent more than they otherwise might have.

The British, the highest per capita spenders on music, buy 7,2% of the world music market.

Indian comic actress Manorama has played the most leading roles of any performer in movie history. She began her career in 1958 and in 1985 had appeared in her 1,000th movie.