Top Ten Things Dad Won't Say-Fathers Day

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.

Some Cool T-Shirts Like Oil Sucks

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Some cool t-shirt designs on relaxtees.com

BP Oil Spill Cartoons and Jokes

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"The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine.'" —Jimmy Fallon

"Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks." —Jimmy Fallon

"A few days ago, Vice President Biden and Rahm Emanuel had a water gun fight during a party at Biden's house. Meanwhile, Sasha and Malia spent the last few days trying to solve the BP oil crisis." —Jimmy Fallon

"BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake BP account that is mocking the oil company. In response, Twitter wants BP to shut down the oil leak that's ruining the ocean." —Jimmy Fallon

Crazy Fun One Liners

Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?



Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!



How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down...!



***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for $1
... No Strings attached
...but for a limited period ONLY!
...A bloody good deal!



Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H



FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration complete, now searching.....still searching....still searching......sorry, no friends found.



Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.



Press down..More...Ok more...WOW yes ahh ohh yes....almost there....oh god harder..faster..FEELS GOOD...oh goddd!...That's how I sex on text!



Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person -
Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey, i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost!



I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!



Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!



HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?



This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you



Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?

A: There is a stamp on it.



A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone



Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!



I went to ur house justnow - can't enter cos door says *CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* - pls take sign down next time ok!



Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.



Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.



Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.



I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.



How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.



Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too...



U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....sh*t...I got wrong number...SORRY :)



I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!



On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key.



The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.



Nope.....u still ugly!

Funny One Liners Jokes

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down...!

***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for $1
... No Strings attached
...but for a limited period ONLY!
...A bloody good deal!

Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H

FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration complete, now searching.....still searching....still searching......sorry, no friends found.


Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.

Press down..More...Ok more...WOW yes ahh ohh yes....almost there....oh god harder..faster..FEELS GOOD...oh goddd!...That's how I sex on text!



Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person -
Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey, i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost!

I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Funny One Liners

Classic Fun One Liners

What do you call a cow with no legs??
Ground beef.

The road to success is always under CONSTRUCTION!


A horse went into a bar. The barman said..."Why the long face?"


Q. What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating?

A. Getting r*ped.


Q: Whats big, red, and looks like a bucket?
A: A big, red bucket.

Q: What do you call a monkey on a mine field ?
A: a baboom

Q : What is the difference between women and magnets ?
A : Magnets have also positive side.

Q: What is the biggest mouse in the world?
A: Enormous.

My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.

Q: What do u find in an empty nose?
A: Finger prints.

Classic Funny One Liners

What do you call a cow with no legs??
Ground beef.

The road to success is always under CONSTRUCTION!


A horse went into a bar. The barman said..."Why the long face?"


Q. What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating?

A. Getting r*ped.


Q: Whats big, red, and looks like a bucket?
A: A big, red bucket.

Q: What do you call a monkey on a mine field ?
A: a baboom

Q : What is the difference between women and magnets ?
A : Magnets have also positive side.

Q: What is the biggest mouse in the world?
A: Enormous.

My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.

Q: What do u find in an empty nose?
A: Finger prints.